Mediterranean odds/ends weird stuff, boating underground

The Spanish love their shoes. The brighter, the better.

At first, in Valencia I thought they liked outdoor urinals, then I realized it's just art stuff (Spanish architecture is world class).

Some of them are walk-through urinals (probably want to wash your feet afterwards).

The Spaniards are into art in a weird way. I'll save you the close-up, but trust me, this giant statue of a naked guy sitting on the dock is anatomically correct.

There is quite a bit of art in the port of Cartegna

Off to sea I go!

Sonuvabitch, I missed the damn ship

I gotta stop drinking so much in port

Smoking isn't as taboo in Spain as it is in the US.  When was the last time you saw one of these?

In Cartegna none of us could figger out just what in the hell this statue in a shop window was.  My guess was the Spanish gay KKK.

As it turns out, these are Spanish Penitents during Catholic Holy Week. This tradition started back in the middle ages whereby the wearers of the robes could perform penance (read - whack themselves silly out of guilt) while remaining anonymous.  People will do anything to wear a uniform.

The touristy spots in Spain have lots of Africans trying to eke out a living selling all kinds of stuff that they display on blankets on the ground.

The blankets, however, serve a different purpose than you might at first imagine.  Watch what happens when 5-0 walks up.

In 2 seconds they "close up" shop by snatching up all four corners of the display cloth. I felt sorry for both the Africans and the store owners they squat in front of.

In Palermo, Sicily, I witnessed another police dodging scam. I had been walking down the street of one of the markets when I realized I was hearing music.  This was unusual. Normally the markets are (relatively) quiet. I decided to stop and get a cup of espresso. While I was sitting, drinking my espresso, I noticed this shifty character across the street staring intently up the street.

 All of a sudden, the music stopped and a laundry cart looking thing was whisked across the street and deep down an alley by another man.

Sure enough, in about 30 seconds a group of Carabinieri (Italian po-po) drove by. Wisely, I decided not to photograph any of them. Nothing happened, the music didn't resume. In another two minutes two more walking Carabinieri strolled up the street, none the wiser.  After they passed, the cart returned, the music played on and Shifty resumed his watch.

Spaniards love their dogs, but don't allow them in grocery stores. The store does, however, provide a special dog parking space.  Complete with dog hitch.

Does this ship look familiar?

It's the Costa Magica.  Part of the same line of ships as this more infamous one 

Costa Concordia  "Costa Concordia salvage July crop" by Soerfm - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Costa_Concordia_salvage_July_crop.jpg#/media/File:Costa_Concordia_salvage_July_crop.jpg 

In Santeria, Italy, I found some of the earlier ships that Captain Francesco Schettino (dipshit captain of the Concordia disaster) commanded.

Oops! Time to abandon ship again.

Sometimes menu translations are hilarious (yet correct).

I don't hang out in bars so I'm not sure if you can find one of these handy gizmos in the US.

I wonder what the record is? Does the one in the women's room transmit the data back to the cell phone of the guy buying her drinks?

Portugal owns (if you will) the archipelago of the Azores. On Ponta Delgada (the largest island) you will find "the most beautiful fresh water lake in the world" (supposedly voted by some self serving travel log, whatever).  Its called Lagoa das Sete Cidades. I wasn't all that impressed, however to be fair, I visited at the wrong time of the year. The lake is a crater lake, formed when the volcano went kablooey. Obviously it's up in the hills

As you can tell from the photographs, I was lucky to even see it. The fog rolled in 2 minutes after I took the shot and the lake disappeared.

When I say I was there at the wrong time of year what I mean is that the lake, although it's one continuous lake, during the warmer months develops two colors. One side is green and one side is deep blue. This happens because the lake is the result of two different volcanic explosions. One side has a different bottom chemistry than the other.  In the warm months, the more shallow part of the lake develops algae blooms - making that part of the lake green (and probably somewhat rank).  The local legend has it that the two colors of the lake formed from the tears of the unrequited  love between a beautiful (aren't they always) princess and her shepard boy interest.  The mean nasty King wouldn't let them marry.....yada yada yada. Click here if you want the full story  

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lagoa_das_Sete_Cidades 

According to the local gulls nesting in the surrounding hills, the story is cute, but bullshit (gulls are hard to impress unless it involves food)

Near Valencia Spain (where Valencia oranges originate) you will find a most spectacular and unique lake - underground!

entrance

The lake (actually a river) is called Gruta San Jose and it's quite long (9022 feet to be exact). 

Explorations of the cave started in 1902 by brave spelunkers. Spelunker is Latin and translates roughly to 'complete moron with a death wish'.  Early explorers found traces of man's presence in the lake that date back 17,000 years.  In the 1960's the lake was opened up to tourism. I took the tour by boat and I simply cannot comprehend just how scary it had to be for someone 17,000 years ago to explore it. Especially without even candles. If you've always wondered if you're claustrophobic - by the end of the boat tour you will no longer be in doubt.  Either you will have a terrific time, or you will be taken out in a strait jacket by those men in the white coats ha ha ho ho hee hee.  If you take a triple dose of Valium, the tour is simply magnificent. You start by boarding a wooden boat that is poled by a dour Spaniard in the stern.

The boats aren't big ~ 12 people.

New boat on display outside the cave

Notice anything missing?  No?  How 'bout life preservers? There are none. The average depth of the lake is 15'. I can swim pretty well, but I can't rescue 12 other people if the stupid boat tips over. 
I have to admit, the lighting in the lake was well thought out and executed. The lights are underwater and shine up. Unfortunately you aren't allowed to use a camera, but I did the best I could surreptitiously (cell phone, no flash). 

looking up

Low bridge, everybody down.

Definitely one of the best tours I've ever taken (OK, I stole some of the above pictures from the web). 

In Europe, as in the US, pigeons (or Rock Doves if you prefer) like to sit on statues.

If these steps look familiar, then you're an even bigger fan of The Godfather than I am.  

These are the steps of the big opera house in Palermo (Teatro Massimo). In Gawdfatha 3, these are the steps where Michael's assassin misses him and shoots his daughter (played by Sofia Copola) instead

The opera house is huge.  Here's the architect's wooden model they followed when building it in 1897.

The place is cool as hell and is world renowned for it's perfect acoustics. The architect's mastery of acoustics was demonstrated by the guide when we entered the intermission smoking room.

Yesssss, I know. I really blew this shot of my friend Evan playing the fool, but I was laughing so hard it was the best I could do.

Italian politics being what they were (and still are) the designers decided to make the room such that it is impossible to have a private conversation.  You can hear everything that is being said by some one completely across the room. It's really neat (and loud). The main stage (seats 1,387) is magnificent.

Since the Teater was built before air-conditioning, the ceiling is unique.

Those panels with the fresco painted on them open up.

You might expect that the balcony seats are the most expensive.

When it was built, they were. The main floor was standing room only and was for the peasants and assorted riffraff. Today, the main floor has had red seats installed and they are the most expensive (ironic). The exception is the royal box seats.

The royal box seats are where Michael Corleone sat in Gawdfatha 3.

Like everything else in Italy, the outside of the Teater is covered in statues.  This is the guy who designed the place (Giovanni Battista Filippo Basil).

He looks kinda like this guy?

Samuel Clemens/Mark Twain

Ever wonder what lion nuts look like?

The local dogs weren't impressed.

Ahh, Italian love.

Ahh, Italian drunks.

This guy was hilarious.  He actually believed he was doing well impressing some Italian college girls.

Some were amused, the one in the black shirt wasn't.

Getting a piece in the Mediterranean

Of The Rock, that is. We approached Gibraltar from the north east, rounded the rock, and ended up at the south west harbor.

Here's what The Rock looks like from sea.

I thought WTF? It doesn't look anything at all like this:

Not even close (and I should know - I stood by the starboard railing for 2 hours waiting to see The Rock). Mystery solved later.

Gibraltar (like eeeeeeeeeverything in Europe) has a long history).  Evidence in one of the caves suggests that Gibraltar, circa 28,000 BC, was the last holdout of the Neanderthals.

Later on, the Phoenicians took over around 850 BC. From then on there were a whole series of conquerors, renters, owners, squatters until finally in 1713 the Treaty of Utrecht was signed. Gibraltar was ceded to England in exchange for the British getting out of some war involving Spain, Great Britain, France, Portugal, Savoy and the Dutch Republic. Spain signed the treaty, but they weren't happy about it. To this day they're still pissed.

As you would guess, Gibraltar is in a very strategic position. The British Royal Navy has made good use of it, especially after the Suez Canal opened.  In WWII, the British population was evacuated and the British beefed up fortifications considerably. Oddly enough, it was good ole Generalissimo Franco who prevented the Germans from enacting Operation Felix - a plan to seize Gibraltar. In typical dictator fashion, he became a pain-in-the-ass when in the 1950's he declared Spanish sovereignty over Gibraltar. The British told him to piss off and since Franco didn't have the keys to the front door of the fort he decided the best he could do was to close the border.  In 1967, and again in 2002 (by a margin of 98%) the Gibraltarians voted to stay British. Ironically, in 1985 Spain was forced to reopen the border as part of their requirements to join the European Union. To this day they do so with reluctance and petulance. They will arbitrarily close the border for several hours just be be jerks.

The British dug some 35 miles of tunnels through the rock during WWII (the tunnels are longer than all of the streets of Gibraltar added together). Well, that's not exactly true.  The first tunnels were dug in the 1800's. The British started extensively expanding the tunnels early in WWII, then found out they didn't know diddly shit about boring through rock. The Canadians, however, were already experts - so the British used them to dig.  Reportedly, the Canadians accomplished in one day what had taken the British engineers a week. Initially they used high pressure water to "drill"

"Royal Engineers tunnelling in Gibraltar, 1941" by Dallison G W (Lieut), War Office official photographer - This is photograph
 GM 63
 from the collections of the Imperial War Museums.. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons - tp://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Royal_Engineers_tunnelling_in_Gibraltar,_1941.jpg#/media/File:Royal_Engineer
s_tunnelling
_in_Gibraltar,_1941.jpg

Later on they made extensive use of explosives. As it turns out, this wasn't a bright idea as they got a little carried away with the amount of explosives used.  This caused large amounts of high pressure gases to penetrate the rock and weakened the walls.  Today, those tunnels are closed to the public. At least that's the official story.  During the Cold War, lots of secret equipment was installed.

 I took a guided tour of part of the tunnels. It started out with a cool bus ride part way to the top.

If this road looks somewhat familiar it means that you're a 007 fan (like me). 

"The Living Daylights - UK cinema poster" by Source (WP:NFCC#4). Licensed under Fair use via Wikipedia - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Living_Daylights_-_UK_cinema_poster.jpg#/media/File:The_Living_Daylights_-_UK_cinema_poster.jpg

The opening sequence to The Living Daylights was shot on this road. Our bus driver was a dour Scotsman with an extremely dry sense of humor (and a thick accent - he was terrific).  As we left the bus he warned us that we should take great pains not to mention the war to our tour guide. This made no sense whatsoever, until we met our tour guide.

Our tour guide's name was Klaus.  Yep, our tour guide of the British WWII fortifications was German. He, of course, was in on the joke and assured us that he was well aware that the Germans had lost the war. "Ve haff to make do vit what hass happened as best ve can". 

This is the entrance.

First order of business was to pick out a construction hat.

I thought (initially) that this was somewhat idiotic as the Rock is granite and that if it caved in - a plastic helmet wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. As usual, my wry observation was wrong on several levels.  I found this out the first time I bashed my head on a low ceiling. Later I found out the Rock isn't granite at all. It's Jurassic dolomitic limestone.  Silly fuckin' me.

Taking this tour isn't for the claustrophobic, however, almost all of the tunnels are quite large. The extensive tunnels were designed to house 16,000 troops, food, water, ammunition, gun emplacements, hospitals, hookers, power generators, fuel, bakery, vehicle maintenance, etc. They had enough provisions to hold out for 16 months, should the need arise.

 Our guide was quite amused to inform us that the above pictures (displayed on the wall of the tunnel) were staged. While the Rock can hold 16,000 soldiers - very few of them wanted to live inside unless bombs actually started falling.  It's dark and damp.  They all lived and slept in town.

In parts of the tunnel you can look up and see some of nature's handiwork.

This is one of several water cisterns.

Eventually the tour breaks out of the mountain with a terrific view of the airport.

 On the far side of the runway is Spain. If you look closely on the left you'll see a very unique airport feature.

Gibraltar is tiny, only 2.3 square miles.  They had to stuff the airport in where they could, but this meant that there wasn't enough room to build a road to get from one side of the airport to the other. By this time the British were good and sick of digging tunnels so they just painted road marking on the runway and put up crossing gates (which are activated by the control tower).

For grins, the bus tour takes you across the runway.

Nobody on final - Good!

When the bus turns around at the other side, there is an     "a-ha" moment.

There it is! 

 Finally! 

The image of The Rock you've been looking for. 

It's also the cliff I unwittingly took the picture of the airport from.

No visit to The Rock would be complete without seeing the famous Barbary Apes.

If you want to get picky (like the two above) - they aren't apes at all.  They're tailless monkeys.  Barbary macaques to be exact. They're quite infamous thieves. You don't want to get near one.  They'll snatch glasses, purses, cameras, jewelry, cell phones, etc. in a flash. Once they get their grubby hands on the item - it's gone. They have sharp teeth with a nasty attitude to back it up. They do, however, hold a sidewalk sale in town once a month where you can get some great bargains for the price of a few bananas.  There are 300 apes in Gibraltar and it isn't a bad life.  Each one is tattooed, chipped and provided with free check-ups and vet care for life. They're also fed by the government - BUT you don't want to feed them yourself.  It's a $6,000 fine to fed the little bastards. 

Despite the fact that the British aren't the ones to introduce the monkeys to Gibraltar, there is a long held belief that as long as there are apes on the Rock the territory will remain under British control. In 1942 (during WWII) the population dwindled to just 7 monkeys. Winston Churchill himself ordered that the troop be replenished with macaques from Morocco.