Katfish Kapers: Asphalt surfing in Madeira, Portugal and other oddities

Mediterranean odds and ends - humor (in no particular order)

McDonald's is not always the same the world over. Found this one in Sardinia, Italy:

As opposed to ......abnormal?

No way this Micky Dee’s would survive in the US. The place was dirty, the staff almost non-existent, the wait lengthy (I gave up in fact).

Train station Italy (Cagliari, Sardinia)

New

Not new

Really not new (but way cool)

This alcove in the train station made me wonder if taking the train in Italy was a good idea:

Pray the train is on time or pray you make it?

Is this a cool altar or what?

In Valletta, Malta (cool, vibrant place) the harbor had a new pedestrian bridge connecting the harbor to the outer quay.

Looks normal

Until you look closely (must be the old bridge wasn't completely removed before installing the new one?)

Doubt if this one has enough life-rafts either. (Malta)

World's most basic boat

I wonder how long you have to wait? (Malta)

Some of the sculptures in Malta are just plain creepy.

This one's no exception.

I think my ex-wife posed for this

Gay fishing boat? (Greece)

I'll gladly pay you on Tuesday for a hamburger and drink today (Italy)

Stupid tree, I'm parking here anyway (Italy)

If meter maids were ever hired in Italy, they’d have to be armed with sub-machine guns. Citizens would go crazy if the laws were actually enforced. I never once saw a ticket clipped under a windshield wiper (can’t say the same for any of my cars over the years). The problem is, of course, that US cities were designed with cars firmly in mind. European cities were designed with the odd horse (or hand) drawn cart. Italians park where ever they can. You don't see parking lots (and you don't miss them)

Good city planning (Italy, again)

Cool sculpture! (Palermo, Italy)

Hi Ho Silver! Away.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCO6smQrjJ8

Italians love their statues

Even if they don't make a lot of sense.

Seriously? Hammering iron naked?

At first I thought this was a political statement

Then I realized I was standing too close to the sign.

Statue in the Canary Islands

"Damn this things heavy. My slave cousin in Egypt says that's nothing."

I gotta cut back on so much fiber in my diet. (Canary Islands)

Photography is often a matter of timing as much as anything else. I thought this was a pretty good picture (taken in Malta).

A tenth of a second later I got this shot (no, my fingers aren't that fast - I had the camera set to 6 shot burst).

This picture won second place in one of the ship's photo contests! (gorilla arms and all

If you're wondering what I won - it's kinda stupid. I won "candid" pictures of me getting off the ship at each port. Even I don't like looking at those type of photos.

Sometimes in photography you get surprised by a quick snapshot.

This photo also won second place in the ship's second photo contest.

Ridiculous. I took that photo with no real thought given to it and it won. It was taken in the Barcelona Aquarium (which is quite nice, but since I had already written about the Loro Parque aquarium in the Canaries, I figured I'd posted enough fishie photos).
Alright, just a couple more.

Would you STOP crowding me? Jeez. Move over fool.

I'm gonna bite the crap out of the next cute little fish that calls me ugly

Really? Your underwear's funny looking too!

That's the grumpiest eel I ever met, sheesh

God I'm hungry. Wish a surfer would fall in!

Kiss me you fool!

Speaking of photos, this one impressed a couple of the professional photographers on-board.

I entered it in the contest and got................ nothing

Sometimes you can take a photo that impresses the hell out of yourself, but won't quite stand on it's own without the whole story explained.

What blew my mind in the above picture is that I was in a dark church (Sicily) on a cloudy, rainy day. For 45 seconds only, the sky cleared and a single shaft of sunlight penetrated the gloom from a hole in the roof. As luck would have it, the single shaft of light hit the statue perfectly! I just barely managed to take the shot before it disappeared. Once again, nobody gave a crap in the photo contest voting.

Such is life.

Hey, is there something on your right shoulder too? (Spain)

There's no tourists on board, screw the oars, I'm using the outboard. (Malta)

This is Mt Etna (in Sicily). At 10,992 feet it's the tallest active volcano in Europe. I took a bus up to the top (although I did see an Italian bicyclist grinding his way up - I was impressed!). Mt Etna is covered in craters (around 600)

Looks like a big fire ant mound to me.

This thing blows it's top about as often as Trump does.

courtesy of National Geographic

At the base of the ski lifts is a small restaurant. It may be the luckiest restaurant in the world. Check out this eruption (poster mounted in the restaurant).

I wouldn't have stuck around just to get this picture, but I'm glad someone did

Unbelievably, the lava flowed AROUND the building! This is the inside view from one of the windows:

What you're seeing behind the cracked glass is a solid wall of lava.

Back to Barcelona, Spain:

This is the famous old bull ring (built in 1900).

Bull fighting was banned in Barcelona in 2012 . The last bull fight, however, was in 1977 (the Beatles played there in 1966). What do you do with an old bull fighting ring when it's no longer a popular sport? Turn it into a super upscale mall!

You can't visit Spain without seeing some piece of the goofy artist Gaudy's footprint somewhere. Check out the cool balcony railing on this condominium.

Looks like scrap metal. I wouldn't want to have to clean it though.

Cool fountain outside the National Art Museum.

In case you're wondering, it takes 1000 horse power to run this thing (plus it will make you want to pee real bad)

In Gibraltar there are signs all over the place saying "don't screw with the monkeys". The signs are there for good reason. Doesn't matter, tourists are stupid.

"Selfies, gimme as break, I'm the star of this picture. She snaps the picture and I snatch the phone" (he tried, but only got her glasses)

"Aw, look at the cute monkey" 10 seconds after I took this picture, the "cute" monkey snatched the woman in the light blue coat's purse and ran off into the bushes. It happened so fast none of us could react. She only got bits and pieces back.

Couldn't get this picture removed correctly Seen in a butcher stall. New meaning to the term "Hog-tied"

Undeniably, the babies are adorable.

Her teeth look OK. Wonder if she has the same vet I do?

Hmmmmm, split ends.

Hey, are you chewing gum? Gimme some

Hold still. I think that nasty woman gave you fleas.

Funchal, Madeira

The island jewel of Portugal (in my humble opinion).

Best stop of the whole trip – seriously! Great, friendly people, beautiful scenery, clean cities, and they drive on the correct side of the damn road! Not only do they drive on the right, they don’t drive like demented, LSD tripping, F-1 wannabees (like Morocco, Italy, and Spain, just to name a few).

Funchal is the last stop before the 5 day return trip across the Atlantic. It’s a couple hundred miles off the coast of Europe, and it doesn’t have any natural harbors

This means that weather plays a larger than normal role in whether or not you can get the ship in close.

Madeira may drive cars and trucks on the right, and respect traffic laws, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get scared silly on some of their streets. No indeed - sometimes they don’t use cars. In fact, sometimes they don’t even bother with wheels. Think I’m kidding? I’d heard about the famous Madeira sleds, but didn’t think they were real. They are.

As you saw in the opening photo, Madeira is quite hilly. To get to the top, the easiest (and most scenic) way is to take the cable car. It’s disconcerting to pile into a gondola without being dressed in ski clothes and holding your skis.

Back in 1850, one of the farmers on the top of the hill found that the roads were so steep he didn't need to bother with wheels. He could just bring crops to market using gravity and wicker baskets. This, of course, did not escape the attention of the local teenagers - and thus sledding for fun was born.

Make no mistake, the ride is quite hair raising. Each sled has two “drivers”. The ride starts with them pulling the sled (to gain momentum)

then transitions to them pushing – much like a bobsled start.

The next thing you know you’re sliding down the street at breakneck speed with two guys hanging on the back thoroughly enjoying themselves (couldn’t say the same for myself)

To set the mood, the very first turn is a sharp 90 degree left hand slide. How I managed to get this shot I don’t know. My butt was clenched so tight I got a cramp.

By the time we’d arrived at the turn we were going fast enough that if we’d crashed into the parked cars we’d be spending a lot more time at Funchal. The choice would either be the hospital or the cemetery. It would have been ugly. They steer the sled by a combination of shoe leather and leaning hard on the inside runner.

You twist and wind your way down a 2 kilometer street course. Notice how smooth the roads have become.

At the end of the run is a small café that does a booming business in alcohol (they got 20 euros off me).

Prior to WW II, the sleds were returned to the top via a cog railway. Today it's more mundane

Supposedly each sled driver does the run 8 – 15 times a day. I would have loved to give driving it try – just not with passengers. I’d also wear a helmet and full motorcycle crash gear. The streets may be smooth, but they’d still give you a serious case of road rash if you fell.

Leaving Madeira I got a glimpse of Europe’s tallest cliffs.