Arctic Adventure Part 10 - Arsty Fartsy Russian hermits

This entry is all about art. Some subjects I know a lot about.  Art isn't one of them.

As you may know, I don't know squat about art.  My liberal arts college demanded that you take either 'art appreciation' or 'music appreciation'. I opted for 'music appreciation' because that class had a really cool big stereo. That was a huge mistake as:

a. they didn't play any of the Stones or Zeppelin 
b. it was a cold winter class, held at 8 AM, in the nice        overheated classroom beneath the football stadium

As a result of the heat and time of day, I usually slept (the old one-hand head lean) through most of the classes.  I regret this sincerely.  Not because I wasted an opportunity to enrich myself - but because when it was time for the final I was woefully under-prepared. This has been the fodder for recurring nightmares ever since.


The Hermitage is one of the largest and most famous museums in the world.

This is only a couple of the buildings 
(our tour guide/shepherd/KGB-minder in purple)

The Hermitage main complex is comprised of 6 buildings, including what used to be the winter palace. It was founded by Catherine the Great in 1764. Sort of. The original building wasn't much more than a storage facility for all her art (accounts vary between Russian folklore and Wikipedia). No one but Catherine and special guests ever saw any of the collection until 1856 (well after she was dead).

I took this shot, but since the placard was in Russian I have no idea who it is/was.  Let's pretend it's Catherine. Notice the glare? Taking pictures in a museum is much harder than you might think.

In modern terms, Catherine could be called a high-end hoarder. 

"In her lifetime, Catherine acquired 4,000 paintings from the old masters, 38,000 books, 10,000 engraved gems, 10,000 drawings, 16,000 coins and medals and a natural history collection filling two galleries."  According to our guide, the name Hermitage comes from Catherine.  To discourage visitors to her collection she spread the word that a

hermit with an attitude (and rancid teeth) lived in the building. That story may have been more tongue-in-cheek for gullible westerners.

Catherine's collection obsession got the ball rolling and subsequent Russian rulers added to the collection. The collection grew and grew as various foreign governments occasionally needed quick cash. Not all of the art was added by legal purchases (this is Russia after all). After the October Revolution in 1917, as you would expect, every piece of art in Russia was snagged by the state and consolidated at the Hermitage.

In the early 1930's, however, some of the flow of art went the other way.  Old Uncle Joe (Stalin) surreptitiously sold some 2,000 works of art (buying enough bullets to shoot all the people you think are plotting against you is expensive).

This is "the Adoration of the Magi" - 
now hanging in Florence.

In 1931 this American guy got into the act of buying treasure from the Hermitage:

Andrew Mellon - one of the original robber-barons

Mellon bought 21 pieces from Joey and later donated them to the US - forming the nucleus of The National Art Gallery in Washington.

In WW II the precious art was spirited off in two large trains to remote Russia (Yekaterinburg if you must know) for safe keeping. 

Surprisingly, the Germans only hit the Hermitage with two bombs (and those were probably accidents).  Post war all the original Hermitage art was brought back from hiding and things quickly returned to "normal" at the museum. Except, that they now  had way more art (mysteriously) than they took out for safekeeping before the war. Finally, in 1994 (at that point nearly 50 years since the end of the war), the Hermitage admitted they had been secretly "holding" a major trove of French art the Red Army had stolen from German collectors. In 2004 they admitted to having more looted art (including a Rubens). How much more stolen art they have is known only to Putin.

First, the building itself. It's awesome (even though it has a typical Russian building flaw, in my opinion - more later)

The blue stone columns took my breath away.

No art gallery containing priceless stuff would be complete without security guards - except that there aren't any (visible that is). Instead, the Hermitage is full of "nyet nyet babushkas" (Russian for No No ladies). 

They take their job seriously, however a few have a sense of humor.  Everyday at noon, the fortress next door fires off a cannon during the changing of the guard ceremony. When it did, I yelled "Holy shit, it's another Russian revolution". She laughed along with the rest of our group.

One of the Hermitage's most famous rooms is the Amber Room (except that it isn't in the Hermitage at all - it's in Catherine's summer palace.  I misfiled the pictures, so sue me). This is where my earlier comment about the typical Russian flaw in their buildings comes into play. First the room. No photography is allow in the Amber Room so I stole all the following from the web.

As the name implies, everything in here is carved from amber. The story of the room is simply bizarre.  It was originally constructed in Germany in 1701.  

This is a colorized picture of the original Amber Room
It has been called "the Eighth Wonder of the World" By Branson DeCou - Courtesy Special Collections, UC Santa Cruz, (direct link), Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=30231454

In 1721 it was gifted from King Frederick of Germany to his buddy Peter the Great. Peter loved it and had it expanded until it was comprised of over 13,000 pounds of amber. Then along came WW II.  The Nazis very carefully took the room apart and shipped it back to Berlin for re-construction (international Indian giving?). It's whereabouts today remains a mystery. In 2016 the UK Daily Mail posted an article saying that the $400M treasure may be located behind a false wall in a Polish underground bunker (just like they thought some treasure hunters had possibly found the supposed Nazi looted gold train in 2015). 

location "find" based on testimony from ex Nazi soldier

No problem.  In 1979 the Russians began building another one. Apparently they aren't easy to make (Lowes and Home Depot don't stock amber carvings). The current Amber Room didn't open until 2003. When I went through it I almost created an international incident. We had eaten borscht for lunch.  Like a Russian peasant, my guts eventually decided to revolt. By the time I got to the Amber Room, the missile launch codes had been downloaded and both keys had been turned. 

Underground missile control bunker

I was mere seconds away from disaster. Most Russian buildings, no matter how large, only have one lousy bathroom (hidden away without signs). This is the common Russian building flaw I was referring to (no wonder Russians are so ill-tempered).

I may not know much about art, but I do know what I like.  I am always blown away by anything painted by da Vinci.

This is Benois Madonna, painted in 1478

If you ask me, the painting stands all by itself. It's incredible (even if Mary kinda looks like a kid herself). If you get your face close to the painting, you still can't see brush strokes. The play of light and shadows.....even a nudge like me can appreciate it.   Art historians, however, seem to all graduate from the same school of blathering that wine critics attend. If you Google Benois Madonna you will find a large array of "explanations" of all the stuff they see.  

The halos, flowers, and facial expressions seem to be the most important visual elements.  The halos must be a sign that both woman and child are holy, or pure.  The flowers are meant to signify a death, and represent grief.  They also signify the cross. 

Here's another

 Studies of these sketches and the painting itself suggest that Leonardo was concentrating on the idea of sight. At that time it was thought that human eyes exhibited rays to cause vision with a central beam being the most important. The child is thought to be guiding his mother's hands into his central vision. (whoever wrote this has never had an infant sit in their lap).

I should probably just shut up here. Maybe I'm being overly critical of the art historians (I'm sure they're equally overwhelmed when they visit the Air and Space Museum in Washington).
The painting isn't very big (as opposed to all the giant Rembrandts) 

(The Benois is on the other side, this is Madonna Litta)

Anything that da Vinci produced has enormous value. Oddly, the preliminary drawings he did for both paintings aren't in the Hermitage. The Madonna Litta sketches hang in the Louve, the Benois sketches are displayed by the British.

I wonder if anti-glare glass would help? Even though we had gotten into the Hermitage before normal hours (when it gets REALLY crowded), you still couldn't get much face time with the da Vincis. To be honest, I could have happily stared at them for hours. They're that good.

Speaking of Rembrandt.  I loved this one "Portrait of an Old Jew" done in 1654.

It's thought that his neighbor posed for this portrait.

Rembrandt was quite a character. His life story is good reading.  He painted a lot (the numbers vary - anywhere from 300 to 600 paintings depending on who you want to believe). The Hermitage has 36 of his paintings (way too many for my limited attention span - after a few I start looking more at the people around me). 

This is Rembrandt's "Old Man in Red". 

After looking at a buncha Rembrandts I reached two conclusions. One - some people lived a long time in Holland in the 1600's. Two - the ones that did weren't necessarily happy to have done so. Not one of his portraits show anybody smiling.  On the other hand, perhaps modeling for hours on end would knock the smile off your face.

Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino (his friends called him Ralph) was an Italian painter whose chief rival was Michelangelo. 

This is Madonna with a beardless Joseph. If you think this looks like a da Vinci, you aren't the only one. It is thought that Ralph was heavily influenced by him.

Speaking of Michelangelo (great segue) this piece cracked me up.

Crouching Boy (1530 time frame)

Thorn?

Was originally intended for the tomb of the Medici (the rulers of Florence).

  
Here's why I was amused - I didn't like the statue. Not like a Michelangelo? What am I, nuts?  Well at least I'm in famous company.  Catherine didn't like it either.  In fact, she refused to pay for it (according to our Russian guide).

If you think that statue's goofy - try this one

This is Boy on a Dolphin (see below)

Looks more like Donald Duck with teeth.

According to Wikipedia, however, this statue is actually "Dead Boy on a Dolphin".  The difference is significant.  The Boy on a Dolphin statue was the subject of a movie in 1957 starring Sophia Loren.

With the painting below (which I loved) once again I'm in famous company (or so I thought).

Urinating Cow by Paulus Potter (1640's)

I gotchur moo, right heah

Ewe with wandering right eye

Nasty looking kid 

According to our guide, the Urinating Cow was the favorite painting of Napoleon Bonaparte himself.  In her account, Napoleon rolled up the painting and carried it everywhere with him.  I spent an hour trying to confirm this on the web - but couldn't (good story though).

Empress Maria Alexandrovna 1880. Awesome painting of someone I don't think I'd want to know

Best statue in the whole place!
Look how well that face conveys intent. The name is perfect.  "Menacing Cupid". Originally carved by Falconet in 1750 for the mistress of Louis the XV.
 (I wonder how may times that finger has been broken off?)

"Wadja say? Your face itches too?" 
(Rembrandt. 1654)

I like how the painter named the dog after himself. 
(look at the name over the doghouse.)

The horse is thinking "If that bastard pricks me with the sword I'm gonna dump his ass in the bushes. King or not"

Yippe yay yo keyea, gallopin' all the way. 
(Quick Draw McGraw, 1960)

Our guide excitedly yammering on and on.
No idea what she's talking about.

"No stupid.  You don't cut his throat. You shave his face.  How many times I gotta tell ya?"

This is a portrait of Janis Joplin composing "Oh Lord, won'tcha buy me a Mercedes Benz? My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends"
Titian Vecellio 1488 The Penitent Mary Magdalene

"Room service! I need more towels and this bed is lumpy too"
(Rembrandt "Danae")

This illustrates the danger of painting while doing mushrooms.  Perspective is waaaay off.
(Fra Lippi, 1406, "The Vision of St Augustine")

In the old days there weren't a lot of dictionaries. You had to wait your turn to use one.
(Rembrandt, 1637 "The Parable of Labourers in the Vineyard"

Mary reading "Pat the Bunny" to Jesus
(Raffaello Santi, 1483, "Madonna and Child")

Not everything at the Hermitage is a painting. The jade collection is exquisite.  

World's most expensive bird bath

The porcelain collection ain't half bad either.

Even Igloo is on display

These are wine coolers

This piece of incredible mechanical engineering (it's an automaton) was built in the 1700's. I'm guessing this was the life work of a watch maker with extraordinary talent.  It is, in fact, a clock.  All three birds display extravagant movements and noises. Oddly, I immediately recognized the clock, while our guide seemed to have no idea how famous it is.

This is the Peacock Clock
acquired in 1871

It's worth watching in action (2 minute video)

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9L6slBSw-0#t=39.919854

I forgot whose butt used to sit here

Oddly appropriate ceiling painting

Awesome serving tray.  Might even be dishwasher safe.

The Hermitage has always served as a studio for artists. You can see lots of them slaving away (although how they concentrate with hundreds of visitors looking over their shoulders must take dedication).

I couldn't figure out why she had a curtain rod in her hand .

In short, the Hermitage is simply overwhelming to visit.  You could spend a lifetime there.